New Year - New Goals
Jan. 7th, 2004 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cybermathwitchSo it's that time of year again. A shiny new time to start things fresh - even more so now that I'm no longer running on an educational schedule (for the first time in my entire life - it's very odd to realize that I will be doing the same thing, all year long, without long breaks during the lazy summer months.)
I'm not making resolutions proper. There are several reasons for this, all listed .
For years and years, I've started times like this (beginnings of
semesters/years/etc.) with all these hopes and dreams of what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do them. I think on it and think on it, and picture myself as the model of perfection at it, and inevitably, it doesn't work out that way. I think two of the inherent reasons why are these: first, I'm focusing far too heavily on the fine details, and putting the pressure of it being a success or failure on how close to perfectly those details are followed or accomplished. Secondly, I'm working against my basic nature. At heart, I'm a disorganized, mercurial, scatter-brained person. Could I change this about myself? Probably. The bigger and better question there is would I want to? Part of me certainly is a perfectionist, and would love to be all those things that I dream of - but the more I ponder it (and since I'm now driving over an hour a day, I've had a *lot* of time to ponder), none of those visions have a damn thing to do with any of the things I enjoy
doing or feel are important to me. In fact, they may actually be horribly counter productive to those processes that I enjoy (things like writing and crafting and such.) I'll get so caught up in the details of keeping all my story notes in neat order, for instance, that I'll end up rewriting them over and over and never actually writing the story. A better and more concrete example may be my anthro classes in college - because of the way that Dr. Wells gave notes, I didn't have time to write them out neatly or cleanly in class, just to write them. I intentionally got a spiral bound
notebook rather than a three ring binder (my daydream preference for
ultimate organization), and wouldn't let myself rewrite any notes. What I did was what I got.
I did better in those classes than any others I took while at MTSU. And I'm as in love with the final product as I would have been with a "perfect" notebook of notes. More importantly, I have/had *EXCELLENT* scores in those classes and really impressed the prof who is one of my heroes, because instead of focusing on how neat my notes were, I focused on the content of them. I don't think, no matter how much part of me wants to be that "perfect" or even "much better" person who has it all together all the time, that in the long run it would be any help to me doing any of the things that
are important or meaningful for me to do. I'm beginning to understand better how my mind works, and how to work with it, instead of against it or changing it to suit how the world in general would think it *should* work. (I've decided that I want to accept myself the way that I am, quirks and all, if *I* like/am ok with them, and to hell with what society at large says I should be/do/react as. That may, in fact be one of the biggest jumps I'm making (have been making) over the last several months.
Instead, I'm looking at what sort of things I want to work on and goals I want to work toward in the coming year. All the reasons above narrow down to one essential thing in the end - I'm more comfortable and happier with doing it w/ less structure than I would be otherwise. So these are the areas I want to work/play in in the coming year:
~I want to try to be better with money.
~I want to write more fanfic, and start planning original fiction (maybe for NaNoWriMo next year?)
~I want to knit as much/more, and work on choosing projects and tools that bless me rather than any old thing just because I'm bored. (This is going to be a recurring theme from now on, I think.)
~I want to stay more organized (which is still going to be a far cry from my daydream, but a more natural and manageable level for me) about things.
~I want to keep up with my email, and actually read/respond to lists I'm on (there are a couple fic list exceptions I just keep for the recs, but I know which ones I have for that and which ones I have for the actual content) or get rid of them.
~Ditto with my livejournal.
~I want to plan out what I spend money on better, and just get things that actually grab my attention and make me happy, and not just to get things.
~I want to continue to learn about mathematics and japanese. Maybe get an algebra book and review that, then dig out my trig stuff and relearn it.
~I want to sort through and consolidate/purge my tapes. With one exception, I really don't need all the vhs copies of the first two seasons of Farscape anymore. They can now be recycled.
~I want to get more DVDs of shows I love.
~I want to do more things to take care of myself and make me feel good. (bath type stuff, makeup when I feel like it, that sort of thing. Also, remembering to take my meds and such.)
~In particular, I'd like to get Conligare finished (at least the rough draft), and get the Aran afghan I'm working on mostly done.
~I'd like to do my Christmas shopping all year long so that I don't have a huge crush right at the end of the year. (plus, I like the idea of squirreling away things for my friends and family and waiting to surprise them with it/them.)
~I want to start saving some money so that I'm not living pay check to pay check *quite* as much.
~I want to try new things (like foods and such) when I'm out doing things. I want to go out to the movies more - I should try taking myself out on a date every so often. ::g::
Will I think of more things? Almost certainly. But it's a good list to start with.
I'm not making resolutions proper. There are several reasons for this, all listed .
For years and years, I've started times like this (beginnings of
semesters/years/etc.) with all these hopes and dreams of what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do them. I think on it and think on it, and picture myself as the model of perfection at it, and inevitably, it doesn't work out that way. I think two of the inherent reasons why are these: first, I'm focusing far too heavily on the fine details, and putting the pressure of it being a success or failure on how close to perfectly those details are followed or accomplished. Secondly, I'm working against my basic nature. At heart, I'm a disorganized, mercurial, scatter-brained person. Could I change this about myself? Probably. The bigger and better question there is would I want to? Part of me certainly is a perfectionist, and would love to be all those things that I dream of - but the more I ponder it (and since I'm now driving over an hour a day, I've had a *lot* of time to ponder), none of those visions have a damn thing to do with any of the things I enjoy
doing or feel are important to me. In fact, they may actually be horribly counter productive to those processes that I enjoy (things like writing and crafting and such.) I'll get so caught up in the details of keeping all my story notes in neat order, for instance, that I'll end up rewriting them over and over and never actually writing the story. A better and more concrete example may be my anthro classes in college - because of the way that Dr. Wells gave notes, I didn't have time to write them out neatly or cleanly in class, just to write them. I intentionally got a spiral bound
notebook rather than a three ring binder (my daydream preference for
ultimate organization), and wouldn't let myself rewrite any notes. What I did was what I got.
I did better in those classes than any others I took while at MTSU. And I'm as in love with the final product as I would have been with a "perfect" notebook of notes. More importantly, I have/had *EXCELLENT* scores in those classes and really impressed the prof who is one of my heroes, because instead of focusing on how neat my notes were, I focused on the content of them. I don't think, no matter how much part of me wants to be that "perfect" or even "much better" person who has it all together all the time, that in the long run it would be any help to me doing any of the things that
are important or meaningful for me to do. I'm beginning to understand better how my mind works, and how to work with it, instead of against it or changing it to suit how the world in general would think it *should* work. (I've decided that I want to accept myself the way that I am, quirks and all, if *I* like/am ok with them, and to hell with what society at large says I should be/do/react as. That may, in fact be one of the biggest jumps I'm making (have been making) over the last several months.
Instead, I'm looking at what sort of things I want to work on and goals I want to work toward in the coming year. All the reasons above narrow down to one essential thing in the end - I'm more comfortable and happier with doing it w/ less structure than I would be otherwise. So these are the areas I want to work/play in in the coming year:
~I want to try to be better with money.
~I want to write more fanfic, and start planning original fiction (maybe for NaNoWriMo next year?)
~I want to knit as much/more, and work on choosing projects and tools that bless me rather than any old thing just because I'm bored. (This is going to be a recurring theme from now on, I think.)
~I want to stay more organized (which is still going to be a far cry from my daydream, but a more natural and manageable level for me) about things.
~I want to keep up with my email, and actually read/respond to lists I'm on (there are a couple fic list exceptions I just keep for the recs, but I know which ones I have for that and which ones I have for the actual content) or get rid of them.
~Ditto with my livejournal.
~I want to plan out what I spend money on better, and just get things that actually grab my attention and make me happy, and not just to get things.
~I want to continue to learn about mathematics and japanese. Maybe get an algebra book and review that, then dig out my trig stuff and relearn it.
~I want to sort through and consolidate/purge my tapes. With one exception, I really don't need all the vhs copies of the first two seasons of Farscape anymore. They can now be recycled.
~I want to get more DVDs of shows I love.
~I want to do more things to take care of myself and make me feel good. (bath type stuff, makeup when I feel like it, that sort of thing. Also, remembering to take my meds and such.)
~In particular, I'd like to get Conligare finished (at least the rough draft), and get the Aran afghan I'm working on mostly done.
~I'd like to do my Christmas shopping all year long so that I don't have a huge crush right at the end of the year. (plus, I like the idea of squirreling away things for my friends and family and waiting to surprise them with it/them.)
~I want to start saving some money so that I'm not living pay check to pay check *quite* as much.
~I want to try new things (like foods and such) when I'm out doing things. I want to go out to the movies more - I should try taking myself out on a date every so often. ::g::
Will I think of more things? Almost certainly. But it's a good list to start with.
