all BSG, all the time in my world now...

[cybermathwitch]

Actually, not entirely true.  I have a random questioning type of thing for everyone, particularly my Fandom-type people.  (which, after seeing how long it was, I decided to put at the end.  BSG-immediate things first:)

I'm about to go mainline season 2.  I think I might need you guys to pray for me.  (oh, yeah, this is gonna frakking hurt....)

I have a fic-in-progress based from the Season 3 Trailer that went up yesterday(ish) (you can the non-Nickelback version here and the Nickelback version (my personal fav, cause yay! here.) - anyone wanna beta-read?  It's L/K ...

And the rest:

1.  Do you address yourself in your journal to different groups of people w/o necessarily limiting the view to that group?  Like, do you shout-out to a particular fandom, or your family, or someone individually, without f-locking it to a group or necessarily restricting it from anyone who stops by (as it were)?  Mostly wanting reassurance that I'm not quite as much of a freak as I sometimes think I am - which leads me to question...

2.  Are we different?  Are we, as fen, somehow essentially different (and please note that I don't use the term "better" or "worse" here - no one take offense at this line of questioning please) from other people in they way we look at the world?  Or at the very least this part of the world?  I mean, I know people who like shows.  Or like book series.  Maybe they even try to make it home in time to catch and ep, or go out and buy a new book the day it's out.  But that's (relatively) surface.  What I'm talking about is that feeling in your stomach that's like a flock of butterflies trying to get out, or bubbles trying to burst, that makes you happy and giggly and bouncy inside because you've discovered something.  saimhe said something once about how happy Fridays make her.  For me, at least, it's a lot like falling in love.  The characters have a reality because they matter to us, they "talk" to us (look at the fic, folks!  how many people talk about not being able to get a character to "shut up"?), and they influence us. 

It's obsession, and it isn't always a comfortable one.  Like being in love, you have to take the good and the bad, the wonderfully uplifting with the heartbreaking-ly depressing.  I wonder if it isn't something more essential than an intellectual interest.  Are we perhaps more apt to throw ourselves into things (many things, not just fannish things) with our whole hearts, rather than guarding ourselves?  Are we more willing to embrace the entirety of experience than other people may be?  And in this I mean in our whole lives.  The more I think about it, the more I think we are.  Those of you I know, I know that you tend to do things with your whole heart and soul, even if others think that it may not be such a good idea to do it that way.  (I keep thinking back to the last day of any number of Scaper gatherings and how many tears there are - not to mention how many laughs.)

(I didn't start this out to be this deep a thought pattern, but go with me here)  I know I'm more comfortable with myself around fen.  I'm more comfortable laughing as loudly as I want to or can, I'm more comfortable saying what's on my mind, and I'm more comfortable being hyper when I'm around you guys.  I'm more comfortable around you guys than I am around friends that in most ways I'm closer to.

-- to add a religious element here, this is the heart of Dionysian experience for me.  Ecstasis and catharsis require that total commitment to the thing.

Comments

[serendipityxxi.livejournal.com]

1. Yes, I totally post to my flist w/o friends grouping posts (mostly out of laziness though *G*)

2. I think to some extent we must be because I know I completely bewilder my friends who aren't in fandom with my obsession, I agree finding a new series or enjoying a series is for the most part like falling in love, there are highs and lows and always this underlying obsession/glee in the knowledge that you'll get to spend more time with these people/characters. My favorite quote is by Richard Bach and it says "If you will practice being fictional for a while , you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heart beats." I can't think of a better description of how I feel about the characters in my life, some mean as much to me as actual people I know. I'm much more myself around people who are as into book/tv series' as I am, I feel more understood, more comfortable than even with my family. I think for the most part though I appreciate the fiction in that it's a safety net, I can throw myself whole heartedly into it and experience the ecstasy and the agony but I can still pull back from the abyss at the end of it all, there is no rejection from the tv and while the characters may disappoint it is crushing but not debilitating. The ability to throw yourself into a series like people in fandom do is definitely special though, it shows a yearning for more than just the everyday, than the ordinary, it's living life to its fullest even if it gets you called a dreamer or childish. I wouldn't trade this for 'normalcy' ever.

[i-am-girlfriday.livejournal.com]

In response to question 1--I haven't felt the need to f-lock anything yet. I write about whatever I'm feeling, but I think I feel more comfortable doing it on LJ because I have a lot more anonymity. I have another blog that all my friends know about. This is my TV fandom/obsession/fic journal. I wouldn't die of total humiliation if rl friends found it, but I might clam up a bit. You're not a freak at all. I use cut tags if I think something is boring and not everyone wants to read about it.

In response to 2--We are different. My boyfriend teases me about the way I watch TV. I get physical reactions from things--I shake with anticipation, I get jittery, I bawl uncontrollably, etc. I am much more of an active participant than a passive viewer. I question things and research things, etc. I think you're on to something about fen being whole hearted in every aspect of life. I'm kinda this crazy when it comes to food, work, school, etc.

I'm more comfortable dorking out on LJ than I am in real life. Mostly because I think others wouldn't understand--a lot of my friends have never been part of a fandom! :(

The meta made my brain hurt. Must sleep.

P.S. To add to my novel-length comment, I'm praying for you. I mainlined season 1 of BSG after seeing the first half of season 2 and the mini. So out of order! I was already totally emotionally involved with the characters and then going backward just about killed me. Enjoy the pain and suffering. Then you'll have to wait until October just like the rest of us.

[(Anonymous)]

To answer your questions:
1. Yes.
2. Yes.

:-) I am not quite as obsessive as you are about some things, but I know we've shared some conversations on some fiction we've shared an interest in, and I know we both are the type to wriggle and niggle at it until we figure it out and or make it be what it is. If'n you know what I mean. I think I wrote a Mary Stewart fic (my first) when I was pre-adolescent, and I was definitely writing Darkover fic in my teens. I know I'm older than you, so the stuff is different -- but the idea is the same.

Interestingly enough, I like your comment about the Dionysian ecstatic joy you feel when you squee over something. I feel the same obsession about religion, literature and history in general, and mysticism and medievalism in particular, and also as I do about Anita Blake or Robert Jordan's WOT, or my newest 'dom -- George R.R. Martin's magical mystical take on post-War-of-Roses stuff in his "Game of Thrones" series. So I know exactly what you mean. Love you.

Sorry -- this was me.

[sabre-hawke.livejournal.com]

Not logged in. Silly computer. Ate my cookies. *grins*

[elflore.livejournal.com]

1. Sometimes, yeah...I rarely worry about flocking. And I'll sometimes start a post with a shoutout to someone specific, then go on to something general.

2. Are we different? Absolutely. Whether we're different because we're fans or fans because we're different is a bit of a chicken & egg in my head, though...and of course it probably doesn't matter. Falling in love is a great analogy (and this whole discussion reminds me very much of the classic Joss quote: "I don't want to make things people like, I only want to make things people 'love'"). Fans throw ourselves into a fictional world whole-heartedly, and we really want to live in it and be part of it, not just watch it from the sidelines. I think we tend to be introverted, dreamers...people for whom thoughts and ideas have just as much reality, if not more, than the things we can touch or taste in the so-called real world. It's the classic high school detente, the nerds and the jocks, writ large. Whatever cliche conflict the media throws at us, those two camps can get along just fine...but I think there's always an essential canyon there...people who live their lives so totally in their heads and people who live primarily in the physical world rarely get each other completely.

So yeah...I've got some good friends offline, but almost all of my best friends are people I've discovered through fandom and far, far too rarely actually get to see. But then...we don't need to see each other in the same way. Since we DO live in our heads, we can meet other such people through the magic of the internet, and make that weird halflife work for us, a lot of the time.

Am I making any sense any more? *snerk*

But great brainfood, thanks for posting this!