cybermathwitch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cybermathwitch) wrote2003-01-16 09:24 pm
cybermathwitch) wrote2003-01-16 09:24 pm
Ashes - a Rather Depressing Post, All in All
For general depressing fandom ramblings (no news, just thoughts) click
I really oughtn't write when I'm this depressed on general principles (and most of it doesn't have a damn thing to do with fandom, really, but this is the semi-public overflow). Oh well.
It feels like I'm surrounded by the smoldering ruins of a hundred dying fandoms. UPN opted out on Firefly (old news now, I know), Farscape is in a limbo world, Buffy hasn't been more than an entertaining diversion for several years now, and X-Files is over, and frankly, while there are several other shows on that I enjoy watching, none of them are, or have the potential to be, the kind of consuming passion that those shows were.
I don't know what my deal with Farscape is. I love it - loved it... I don't know how I feel anymore. Well, ok, the first three seasons I still love, but it feels more like the old lover that you almost wish you had stayed with, but it ended and you moved on and it can't/won't happen again. It's ended and at the same time will never end, because there was too much unfinished business left undone and unsaid.
Right about now I'm sure several people are about to jump all over me or get pissed (assuming that anyone cares that much about the opinion I have one way or the other) for having given up on Farscape. I realize that in one since, it's not over. But to me, at least - I'm not sure I can hope anymore. I had *so* much hope for Firefly, and it hurt like hell when it was over. Maybe there's not enough hope left. Maybe there have just been too many times over too many years when what was good has been tossed aside and I don't want to take the risk anymore.
For the first time in my life, I have no fandom. I cut my teeth on the New Mutants and X-Men, and as that wanned, discovered ST:TNG. When ST:TNG hit it's final decline, X-Files premiered and caught my imagination. (Small breaks were caught up in various book series like the Dragonriders and the Cheysuli.) As the confusion over X-Files increased and I began to move entirely into it's fanfiction world, I discovered Buffy and was drawn in. Finally, as Buffy proper came to a close, Farscape appeared like something a fan can only dream about. It was, to me at least, in so many ways perfect. This summer was actually the first time I'd ever been faced with a series I was in love with being canceled, if you can believe it. And Firefly was a balm to that shock. Until it reopened the wound and let it bleed.
Melodramatic? Probably - almost certainly, in fact. And despite what it sounds like, I'm not actually so en-wrapped in any of the fandoms that I would begin to think that my life was over. It's not that. It's simply that a constant in my world has suddenly been removed, and I don't know how to handle it.
I really oughtn't write when I'm this depressed on general principles (and most of it doesn't have a damn thing to do with fandom, really, but this is the semi-public overflow). Oh well.
It feels like I'm surrounded by the smoldering ruins of a hundred dying fandoms. UPN opted out on Firefly (old news now, I know), Farscape is in a limbo world, Buffy hasn't been more than an entertaining diversion for several years now, and X-Files is over, and frankly, while there are several other shows on that I enjoy watching, none of them are, or have the potential to be, the kind of consuming passion that those shows were.
I don't know what my deal with Farscape is. I love it - loved it... I don't know how I feel anymore. Well, ok, the first three seasons I still love, but it feels more like the old lover that you almost wish you had stayed with, but it ended and you moved on and it can't/won't happen again. It's ended and at the same time will never end, because there was too much unfinished business left undone and unsaid.
Right about now I'm sure several people are about to jump all over me or get pissed (assuming that anyone cares that much about the opinion I have one way or the other) for having given up on Farscape. I realize that in one since, it's not over. But to me, at least - I'm not sure I can hope anymore. I had *so* much hope for Firefly, and it hurt like hell when it was over. Maybe there's not enough hope left. Maybe there have just been too many times over too many years when what was good has been tossed aside and I don't want to take the risk anymore.
For the first time in my life, I have no fandom. I cut my teeth on the New Mutants and X-Men, and as that wanned, discovered ST:TNG. When ST:TNG hit it's final decline, X-Files premiered and caught my imagination. (Small breaks were caught up in various book series like the Dragonriders and the Cheysuli.) As the confusion over X-Files increased and I began to move entirely into it's fanfiction world, I discovered Buffy and was drawn in. Finally, as Buffy proper came to a close, Farscape appeared like something a fan can only dream about. It was, to me at least, in so many ways perfect. This summer was actually the first time I'd ever been faced with a series I was in love with being canceled, if you can believe it. And Firefly was a balm to that shock. Until it reopened the wound and let it bleed.
Melodramatic? Probably - almost certainly, in fact. And despite what it sounds like, I'm not actually so en-wrapped in any of the fandoms that I would begin to think that my life was over. It's not that. It's simply that a constant in my world has suddenly been removed, and I don't know how to handle it.
no subject
I think this is why I've been throwing myself into places like Harry Potter and LOTR lately - they have both have guaranteed new material, growing fanbases, and I like them.
*sighs*