cybermathwitch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cybermathwitch) wrote2006-08-26 09:25 pm
cybermathwitch) wrote2006-08-26 09:25 pm
(no subject)
What is so compelling about Starbuck? Kara?
She... well, she "feels" right. There's a certain symmetry, not of character, but of emotion and expression that resonates with me, the way that Sarah McLachlan's older work used to resonate with me. (And how very disconcerting it was to realize that that didn't work anymore - to come to the painful conclusion that while beautiful and moving, The Freedom Sessions doesn't "match" me anymore. :( I'm nothing like Starbuck in most of the ways that count. I'm not athletic, I'm not driven, I'm not loudly rebellious or willing to take whatever shit I get when I do something wrong. I avoid doing something wrong or upsetting people all the time as much as I can, because I'm scared. But it's in the way she carries herself. The way that she moves, smiles, grins, fights, cries, and is scared, herself - she's an outward expression of my internal world. Which makes her an excellent subject for LJ artwork, as LJ is my internal world laid a little bit more bare.
I'm working (slowly - must talk to my Catholic cousin about the day-to-day "use" (for lack of a better word) of the saints) on a theory of my own spirituality and how it interconnects to fandom. Or artwork, rather. Fandom is the intense appreciation and experience of and for artwork. I like that definition, I think I'll keep it.
But religion. And spirituality. I'm a Dionysian. My god is Dionysus, and his mysteries are ecstasy, catharsis, theatre, and intoxication. They're all about the letting go of things. The allowing things to sweep over you and sweep you up. He is the god that possesses, not the physical body, like Zeus does, but the heart and mind. Stories possess our hearts and minds. Music possesses our hearts and minds. (It's in no way surprising that he and Apollo are flips of the coin, as Apollo is the god of the music, but Dionysus is the god of the rhythm, the effect the music *has*. The best possible example of a modern Dionysia would be a rave, Ecstasy and all, though I have no desire now, nor have I ever had, to take illegal drugs. Though I wouldn't mind going to a rave sans drug abuse. Pulsing light, flashing colors, pounding beats. (Need to re-watch that scene in the second Matrix movie - yummy.) This goes back to a previous ramble about fandom and fen. I see the whole-hearted-ly throwing myself into my life as a spiritual experience.
You see, I've been having a very cock-eyed sort of "dark night of the soul" (yes, I very nearly did write that "knight", why do you ask? ;) ). I haven't doubted the god/s (much - hardly at all, anyway). I've just doubted my path. And then the other day I realized something. I tried to think back over the most spiritual, emotional experiences I've had in my life. The ones I really remember, without putting the "these are the things that should be considered" filter on it. (i.e., I didn't just think of what would commonly be considered religious instances.)
On the list? Marching band in high school (numerous experiences), the first ScaperCon (in particular), the other ScaperCons (to a lesser degree), numerous episode moments, book passages, songs, and movie moments, sketching, any time I'm in the path of an approaching storm, certain vids, spring, a couple gatherings (especially fire dancing), reading The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony, certain concerts, rain wet, impossibly green forests, certain images, the change of the seasons, and occasionally sex.
The things that I realized (and was kind of astonished) didn't make that immediate list? many of the outwardly religious activities that I've been doing the last several years, including my initiation.
(and part of the value of the list is the fact that I didn't over think it, just felt it)
What's the recurring theme, there, folks? Art. And by my earlier definition, fandom. Beauty. Movement. Storytelling. Love.
That's my spirituality. That's what I believe in. Art by turns concentrates, exposes, spotlights, purifies and exemplifies human experience. There is a frakking quote somewhere about how characters may live life more truly and fully than we do, perhaps it says more purely, and I can't remember where it is. (Possibly in Christopher Vogler's The Writer's Journey?)
Beyond that, we use stories. Our stories inform our decisions and our actions. As a thinking, reasoning species that is self-aware, we decide on right or wrong partly through imagining the consequences of either choice. And every story we hear, every story we tell influences that. So our characters are people we look up to (or down on), but whose actions and stories inform our own. They are our examples, both good and bad. (In the broad definition of story I'm using here, even true events, when related, are stories - history is as much that information as "fiction", a term which losses some or all meaning in that sudden rush because whether something happened in our physical world, the motivations, reactions, and feelings are true.)
And I've gone on a hell of a round-about here. (And this is just further proof that I'm a textual mimic - my writing style changes and shapes itself around whatever I'm currently reading. A couple excerpts from Kate Millet and lots of Roberto Calasso lead to the above.)
::resists urge not to post because she might be seen as a freak and just bloody well posts it anyway, open and out there. which is also why it's not lj-cut... sorry to the f-lists I've just gummed up.::
She... well, she "feels" right. There's a certain symmetry, not of character, but of emotion and expression that resonates with me, the way that Sarah McLachlan's older work used to resonate with me. (And how very disconcerting it was to realize that that didn't work anymore - to come to the painful conclusion that while beautiful and moving, The Freedom Sessions doesn't "match" me anymore. :( I'm nothing like Starbuck in most of the ways that count. I'm not athletic, I'm not driven, I'm not loudly rebellious or willing to take whatever shit I get when I do something wrong. I avoid doing something wrong or upsetting people all the time as much as I can, because I'm scared. But it's in the way she carries herself. The way that she moves, smiles, grins, fights, cries, and is scared, herself - she's an outward expression of my internal world. Which makes her an excellent subject for LJ artwork, as LJ is my internal world laid a little bit more bare.
I'm working (slowly - must talk to my Catholic cousin about the day-to-day "use" (for lack of a better word) of the saints) on a theory of my own spirituality and how it interconnects to fandom. Or artwork, rather. Fandom is the intense appreciation and experience of and for artwork. I like that definition, I think I'll keep it.
But religion. And spirituality. I'm a Dionysian. My god is Dionysus, and his mysteries are ecstasy, catharsis, theatre, and intoxication. They're all about the letting go of things. The allowing things to sweep over you and sweep you up. He is the god that possesses, not the physical body, like Zeus does, but the heart and mind. Stories possess our hearts and minds. Music possesses our hearts and minds. (It's in no way surprising that he and Apollo are flips of the coin, as Apollo is the god of the music, but Dionysus is the god of the rhythm, the effect the music *has*. The best possible example of a modern Dionysia would be a rave, Ecstasy and all, though I have no desire now, nor have I ever had, to take illegal drugs. Though I wouldn't mind going to a rave sans drug abuse. Pulsing light, flashing colors, pounding beats. (Need to re-watch that scene in the second Matrix movie - yummy.) This goes back to a previous ramble about fandom and fen. I see the whole-hearted-ly throwing myself into my life as a spiritual experience.
You see, I've been having a very cock-eyed sort of "dark night of the soul" (yes, I very nearly did write that "knight", why do you ask? ;) ). I haven't doubted the god/s (much - hardly at all, anyway). I've just doubted my path. And then the other day I realized something. I tried to think back over the most spiritual, emotional experiences I've had in my life. The ones I really remember, without putting the "these are the things that should be considered" filter on it. (i.e., I didn't just think of what would commonly be considered religious instances.)
On the list? Marching band in high school (numerous experiences), the first ScaperCon (in particular), the other ScaperCons (to a lesser degree), numerous episode moments, book passages, songs, and movie moments, sketching, any time I'm in the path of an approaching storm, certain vids, spring, a couple gatherings (especially fire dancing), reading The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony, certain concerts, rain wet, impossibly green forests, certain images, the change of the seasons, and occasionally sex.
The things that I realized (and was kind of astonished) didn't make that immediate list? many of the outwardly religious activities that I've been doing the last several years, including my initiation.
(and part of the value of the list is the fact that I didn't over think it, just felt it)
What's the recurring theme, there, folks? Art. And by my earlier definition, fandom. Beauty. Movement. Storytelling. Love.
That's my spirituality. That's what I believe in. Art by turns concentrates, exposes, spotlights, purifies and exemplifies human experience. There is a frakking quote somewhere about how characters may live life more truly and fully than we do, perhaps it says more purely, and I can't remember where it is. (Possibly in Christopher Vogler's The Writer's Journey?)
Beyond that, we use stories. Our stories inform our decisions and our actions. As a thinking, reasoning species that is self-aware, we decide on right or wrong partly through imagining the consequences of either choice. And every story we hear, every story we tell influences that. So our characters are people we look up to (or down on), but whose actions and stories inform our own. They are our examples, both good and bad. (In the broad definition of story I'm using here, even true events, when related, are stories - history is as much that information as "fiction", a term which losses some or all meaning in that sudden rush because whether something happened in our physical world, the motivations, reactions, and feelings are true.)
And I've gone on a hell of a round-about here. (And this is just further proof that I'm a textual mimic - my writing style changes and shapes itself around whatever I'm currently reading. A couple excerpts from Kate Millet and lots of Roberto Calasso lead to the above.)
::resists urge not to post because she might be seen as a freak and just bloody well posts it anyway, open and out there. which is also why it's not lj-cut... sorry to the f-lists I've just gummed up.::
no subject
I'm not religious in the way that I don't believe there is only one god out there, and this is actually the first time i've heard about dionysian and well, the gods in a modern day situation.
(Am completely braindead due to sunday, boredom and grand theft auto, so scuse me if i make no sense lol)
no subject
Well, first, because this all started with wicca, but that isn't so much me anymore, here's the wiki article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicca) on wicca... I haven't read it all the way through, so I'm working under the assumption it's remotely close to accurate. If something sounds really awfully weird, ask me to clarify. So I discovered wicca (basically a modern nature-based-polytheistic (usually) religion, but ask 10 witches what they believe and you'll get 14 (at least) different answers) back at age 12 or so. And was very intrigued. But not in the "I wanna do that" sorta way. Until later I was. And then I came to college, and met more people who actually were pagan and wiccan (wiki article on "pagan" here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pagan) - again haven't read it all the way through, but I trust the wiki, mostly) and continued studying it. But it's a very fluid culture, with a LOT of room for your own personal opinions and very personal spiritual experience. So no two people really see diety the same way. And the basic system works with just about any mythology (I even know some "christian" witches. And Jewish witches.) Kind of like how a sonnet is a poetic structure, and sonnets are built the same, but the words/ideas are different from writer to writer and poem to poem.
Anyway, I felt a deep kinship with the Greek Gods and mythologies. And I guess I interact with them similarly to how most people interact with however they interpret god. Despite some inclination to more formal, ritualized practice, my actual nature lends itself more to just experiencing things... I kind of lose some of the "message" if something is too structured. (Which I don't like about myself, because intellectual I love structured. It just doesn't work for me. Possibly because I'm lazy. Or maybe for some other reason entirely.)
I don't work with just Dionysus (he was just who was most relevant to the above ideas), but also with Persephone, Kore (which is where my name comes from, though my parents didn't do that on purpose, they just liked it), Artemis, Zeus, Hades, Hecate, Hestia, Hermes and Mercury (one of the very few Roman gods I work with at all), Athena, Hera, Aphrodite, Kalliope and the rest of the muses, Demeter (some), and by extension most of the rest of the pantheon from time to time. And whoever I'm (probably) forgetting right at the moment. Because I'm bad about that.
(this is certainly one reason I'm so in love w/ BSG right now. it's rare to see my religion (even in a slightly skewed form) depicted in shows. It's kinda cool, really. I just about cheered when Leoben asked Kara about Artemis and Aphrodite. ::G::)
Feel free to ask me questions, I'm more than happy to answer. ::g::
no subject
It sounds really interesting (i think this'll be a day going through the wikipedia again lol) and I'll probably have lots of questions once the rest of my brain wakes up :) I just numbedi t with painkillers for a headache.
All people I know in real life are either christian/catholic/muslim or any of the other religions, or don't believe at all. Well as far as I know that is... I've known about wicca for a very long time, (but that's not for me), but at the moment I have no believe really (because things like christianity is so not for me lol) It even goes so far that I have a cathar cross, an ankh and i wear an eye, to pretty much show the annoying people who try to 'save me' in the name of the church go away and show them look, I really don't believe in your stuff. I know the cathar cross stands for true christians, but it doesn't apply to me :) And now i must rush to work and think of this some more.
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